Monday, September 13, 2004
Today was not a very good day for me..
First day i went to work without Kenny in my heart.. Its not i dun wan him there but he just dun wish to be..
I got so upset with whatever i do.. i talk to customers also feel like crying.. i got so depress i went to the doctor..
He told me that i am suffering from depression and gave me some anti-depress pills but warn me not to take so much as it is not good for health..
Kenny is a good bf and i waste my chance with him i feel so upset.. He doesn't want a second chance together.. he said not yet.. for now be friends.. i know what he meant but it really breaks my heart.. Yes i do have friends but its different.. Doesn't he know how hurtful it is even to be separated from the one u love?
I can do things on my own.. i dun need him to be there physically for me all the time already.. coz now i know as long as i know he still loves me, in my heart its enough.. Its the best thing for me...
I use to make him feel his not a good bf but now i realised i am den not the good gf.. he treat me with so much patience and care and concern but i din see that last time..
Now that i have finally realised what are his needs and wants, its too late coz he prefer to lead his single life.. Why can't he remember the very happy times we spend together.. He once told me nv to remember the sad things but remember the happy times but now.. why isn't he doing it den...
Empy told me that i am different from last time.. last time when i break with bfs, i wun be that upset... i let go easily but for kenny is different.. I more or less already got use to him being a part of me already.. building rapport with his family too... Coz i know i wanna settle down and i wanna settle down with him.. maybe he might hear le and feel scared to be commiting but i know his a responsible guy.. he has always been mature and takes care of his family well.. I know he is..
People may think we are still young why settle down so quickly.. i talked to his dad.. his dad told me u must be together first den make mistakes in order to learn.. den step by step learn what's the best way to live with each other.. it takes years to know.. Thats why after this mistake i have realli learn a lot...
Just now i went downstairs to give offerings and pray for us.. I prayed real hard for us and i am very sincere.. I know i am.. coz its what i really wish for..
Just hope he will give me a chance to show him that i wanna treat the one i love well and good.. i realli do..
Yours Truly, Emma 4:20 AM
